Untitled Refuge
by ChimeraTm
Summary: on that path i lost something more...my heart


**Untitled Refuge**

**~Chimera**

The letter rested on the silky green sheets of his bed. His fingers rested on his silky blonde hair. And silky tears rested on his silky cheeks.

Everything rested, for there was not enough breath in his lungs to put anymore effort, and everything was silky for so was his love as well… always silky…so silky that it went unnoticed.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't take away your pain.

Don't misunderstand me, there is still room in my heart and soul for your pain to linger on, but note that there is no will left for me to take it from you.

You have used me like a sealed pensive, in which all your pain and sorrow have been hidden.

It's no wonder I see you smirk everyday. Believe me, I know you suffer deep inside, but you are able to forget for at least some blinking moments of your misfortune, while I am not. I guard your secrets and your scars with my very life, for yes that is the bit of me that is now falling apart! It's only my life…

How can you be so selfish?

How can I be so stupid? 

How can we both be the ones to blame for my suffering, and yet only one of us seems to care, and that I must say is not you, but me?

I was always there, I and no one else. I was always listening, I was always caressing your back, I was always letting you use me-my body and my state of mind. Whenever you needed someone to hear you out you would come to me. Whenever you needed someone to understand you, and maybe even help you, you came to me.

You never gave me anything in exchange. You never caressed me, you never listened to me, you never asked me questions, you never even gave a damn about my life. I was your refuge…your untitled refuge, for my name did not matter as long as you let it all out.

You knew I loved you and you took advantage of that fact. You knew you could trust me as long as I still loved you, you knew you could use me and I would always come back…you knew you could give me nothing in exchange, for like a fool, I always waited for the extreme that is your love.

In a moment of weakness you told me you were incapable of love. I never believed you until now. I never thought such a thing was possible. Now I know that it is.

Like a fool I suffered,** I** suffered instead of you. You were incapable of spilling tears, so I let my own eyes dry their selves for your heartaches.

I lost my life for the sparkles of anger that you needed to let out. I was always on your beck and call…I destroyed myself, and yet I didn't see it…no one did. No one saw this extreme feminist as she got on her knees in front of the male that she loved, as she offered her life as a gift to him. No one could even imagine… you made a mush of nothingness from an unbreakable material.

I was hardhearted and logical, I was the greatest witch of our age, yet you made me into nothing than a slave at your feet. I've lost my dignity very long ago. I lost my body, my friends, my character, my –as everyone called it- perfection. They all went down the same road, as I took a turn and went your path.

On that path I lost something more…my heart…

I never expect to get it back. If I wasn't sure I loved you, now I am, because this hatred that I feel inside of me could only be brought to life by nothing else than passionate, yet unfulfilled love.

I know everything there is to know about you, I know every decision you will ever make, I know every decision you have made, I know the black ink spilled with blood on your forearm, I know the scars on your back that came with parental rights, I know the truth of your mother's death, I even know the truth of your father's killing. How could you have trusted me with so much if you didn't feel the same things I did? But yet, you know none of my scars, none of my decisions, none of my family secrets.

You just didn't care did you?..."

He knew she loved him. He had always known it. But she had never known his feelings…it was true what he had told her, about being incapable of love. He really was… but the one thing that could resemble that feeling in his life was the twinge of his heart whenever he saw her.

He never asked because he never imagined that something other than what he saw was going on in her life. She always smiled, she was always perfectly poised and up kept. Not even a strand of hair would be out of place. She was the apex of stability, while he was nothing but piles and piles of shattered materials.

Yes, he used her shamelessly, and yes, he felt guilty, though he would never admit it, but never in his life had he been loved…lusted over? Worshiped? Yes, maybe even more, but never loved. He was selfish, he wanted to take everything he could, soak it all in. he was so obsessed that he would have taken even her breath away. She belonged to him and no one else. She loved him, and he abused her feelings mercilessly, for he was scared, scared that the feeling will cease to reproduce, and in the end die. He wanted to gather the most he could and give nothing in exchange. The scars, the mental abuse, the tattoo that came with the Cruciatus curse…they were all bearable in the end, but to willingly lower the fortress from around his heart…that was not an option.

The cavity in which his soul stood would be for ever frozen…and yet, here he was, crying…

"I need some time to realize that what you've done is far from evil. Though how that may be possible I do not know. You neglected my feelings, I however undoubtedly abhor them. Time shall not heel this wound, but it will give me the prospect of finding an answer.

I really do love you."

And with that he knew…she would never come back.

A/N: once again, I do not own anything related to Hp and I know once in a while I do make mistakes. I usually do not like reading One-shots, but now that I have written my own, I can see where the thrill of O-s comes from. I know it is not particularly related to Hp (though I do think Draco's personality is well sketched –or the way I see him-), but rare one shots are. xx

Oh, ps.: I know that I tend to repeat myself in this fic, but I only do it to emphasize the differences between what Hermione put in this relationship and what Draco did. As you can see, the verbs linked to H are pro, while the ones related to D's perspective are in the negative form. Hope it doesn't bother you.

a/n2: if u've read this story on a different website, know that it is still mine, i didn't steal it, i just had an account on that page a year ago or something. *i don't think i am allowed to say the name of the site


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